“WHY ME!”
I often thought that if I was a good person then only good things would happen to me and that is why when bad things happened, I cried the loudest! “Why did this have to happen to me? What did I do to deserve such a terrible thing?” I asked between tears. This is probably a familiar story in which we question the meaning of life and why certain things happen to us. It was only much later in life through a conversation with my mother when I learnt that the only constant that happened is that good and bad things eventually came to an end.
With that thought in mind, I relocated from Perth to Sydney city after graduating from my Bachelors of Information and Communication Technology. I was the proud holder of a degree after all the hard work from the past three years of study. The sky was now my limit!
After three months of an enthusiastic search for employment, I accepted my first job as a Help Desk Support Manager in information technology. It was a three month contract from October to December to assist the Engineers since it was a very busy period leading to festive season (Christmas).
Without any prior industry experience to manage a help desk, I worked to the best of my abilities. Every morning I woke up early, took two trains, a bus and a fair bit of walking to work. Each day I lost up to four hours in travel, to and from work but I always reminded myself that it was one foot through the door. I was building my resume and character. Eventually, this too would end and I would be able to afford a job closer to home. Regardless, I persevered in those months because I loved my job.
When the time came to renew my contract, I received a letter from the business owner that my contract would not be renewed, and two weeks’ pay in advance was processed for me as per employment termination terms. I was advised then that I was free to leave early as this was my last day of work. Thoughts of failure filled in my head; despite the bitterness wailing up in my heart, I thanked my manager for the opportunity and did the longest walk to the bus stop; my feet heavily dragging underneath me.
As I waited for the bus, I looked up at the sky. I admit a part of me did feel like God had abandoned me for the world I had known had suddenly slowed down and the clouds moved steadily over me. In that moment I felt like I was the only one going through such a difficult experience. Being in a foreign land without family was difficult. My parents had sacrificed a lot to get me here; the last thing I wanted was to be the bearer of bad news. The words, “Mom and dad, I’ve lost my job!” would not dare escape my breath for fear of letting them down; so I thought.
I was alone and too far away from home to bother them with such news. I would not allow myself to break down either, not just yet. Instead, with the little money and hope I had left; I took the train to the city and found an internet café where I sat until sunset. I had applied for as many jobs as I could by the time the café was closing.
I returned to my shared accommodation without speaking a word about my current employment situation to any of the house mates. I feared that if they knew my position, speculations about whether I would be able to afford the rent would begin to circulate.
It was in the confinement of my room that I had allowed myself a moment to actually let the feelings of disappointment overwhelm my senses completely. I felt like a failure more than anything. I felt like I had let my parents down. I felt like I had let myself down. But I only allowed myself to experience these human emotions after I had done something about my situation by applying for over fifty positions before the café closed for the day!
This happened over six years ago! Today, I can laugh about it; more importantly share with you. What I came to realize through this experience is that that good and bad things happen to all mankind – the value of any experience is what I choose to make of it.
In my novel Perception: Every woman’s diary to overcome her past, when the character Devine Miller had experienced an unpleasant event she came to the realization that “Was not the whole essence of living life about the sole purpose of experiencing it in its fullness; to experience it in its symmetry of both happiness and sadness? How pathetic to look back and see rejoicing occurred only when good things had come about. Surely I should have celebrated even when fate had befallen me for growth had been in the same fibre that entwined good and bad! Moreover, growth transpired more in bad than good”
MCOM, BSc, HDA, A+, MCP, TSIA
BE SMART,
STAY BEAUTIFUL
AND NEVER STOP BELIEVING IN THE ALMIGHTY...
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